I haven’t written here for a long time~
The trial this week shook strong~
Not new to me.
Another familiar face of the man defending his weakness and unearned strength~
Triggering back to the mornings of the “Oh please forgive me”~
After too many long nights~
The night of seeing my Mother clench her robe torn in the exact pattern that was bleeding on her chest~
Her only protection was a pair of sewing scissors inside of her robe pocket~
I so wanted to help us both~
I wanted to tell her so desperately~
As we spent the dark night seeking safety there was no place to go~
Sneaking to the trailer in the back yard from down the road was the only refuge~
She sat all night crying with those scissors in her hand~
Reminding me that he could pour gas around us and make us both disappear~
Or grab one of the too many guns~
It still wasn’t worth the cost of telling her my truth~
Just in case he didn’t that night~
His words stuck in my mind~
“Remember. If you ever tell….
I will have to shoot you in front of your Mother and then shoot her before I shoot myself.”
So the sleepless nights and the bleeding Mother seemed better~
We would live again start a new day of his master manipulations~
He would bring Mom a dozen long stem red roses and “It will never happen again.”
Snot and flowers won for far too long.
The crazy part is that he was a victim of sexual abuse~
How in the holy hell do you have someone assault you and think it is a good idea to turn around and assault others???
Children? Little tiny children.
No child should ever hear…
“I fell in love with you when I met you and I knew you would grow up someday.”
I was fucking two years old and he didn’t buy me any fucking flowers!!!
The only goal was to steal mine and many others.